Hobby horse

Here I am again, sorry I have not posted for a few days, I have been busy enjoying the holiday season with the family. It's been largely a quiet affair, plenty of food and drink (although not for me) and lazy days on the sofa watching films or playing Wii and eating chocolate - very nice indeed. I did not know the kids would enjoy playing charades as much as they do, as they say the old ones are the best ones, except when they do some new fangled song, by some artist anyone over 20 has not heard of, then it becomes a bit tricky!

Yesterday we all went to Redhill so they could spend some of their Christmas money in the sales. Max surprised me by spending some of his money on a Wii game for the girls, as he had not personally bought them a present with his own money. It was a very kind gesture. When we got home we had a few visitors. Once again we had some meals on wheels delivered by the Taylor clan, which are keeping the freezer stocked. Claire and Jo called in for a cup of tea and an update, then the day ended when Ross and Alison came round for dinner, with dinner, a lovely beef stew, desert and wine. It seems as though our many friends like to bring the odd meal round, this is greatly appreciated as next week when I am back on the treatment, and Sarah will be also busy running the kids here there and everywhere, it will make her life much easier. Please note however, this does not mean to visit you must bring a meal, its just me saying thank you to some dear friends. My head now has some small bald patches, and the speed of it falling out is increasing, lok out for the next photo as I will be like Telly Savalas!

Anyway, why did I call this post hobby horse, well I thought I would include some detail on the things I do in my spare time for me, not for anyone else, as these are the things that define me. I have been thinking sbout this for a few days and if this should be in my blog, and one thing that came to mind was that when I beat this thing, this blog would be about how I did it. If I don't win this battle, then it becomes a sort of legacy, and few of us ever get the chance to write one of those, so again its some thing that makes me special as I have the chance and the inclination. So this will be the first installment, covering my love of cycling. Other installments will cover motorcycling, scuba diving, my alltoment, and lastly, and probably controversially, my new found enjoyment of hunting/shooting. If you don't want to read about cycling because it is a little long, jump to the last section!

Well firstly I need to say thank you to my best mate from my school days, Kieron, for suggesting we go down to the old YMCA in Reigate one Friday night, aged 12, to see what Redhill Cycling Club was all about. Kieron stayed involved for a while but decided after about 6 months or do that it was not for him, and he moved to athlectics, where he became a good 400m runner. Little did I know that this sport I had discovered was to play such an important part in my life, so thanks mate. I do not know if it was the freedom cycling offered, but I loved it. Not so sure Mum loved it though. One very early memory, was going out one Sunday on my own for a little ride, when I though I woud pop down to see my Aunty Twiggy. She phoned Mum when I arrived, saying I was going to have some dinner then come home, Mum went spare! The reason was Aunty Twiggy lived in Eastbourne, over 50 miles from home. At 12, I was not strong enough to ride home, do had to take the train.

At the cycling club I met 2 of the 3 closest personal mates I have, outside of friends we have made through the children, of whivh there are many. the third also came through cycling but later on. Step forward Adam and Jeremy. Although they are a couple of years older than me, sorry guys but you are, we gelled pretty much right away, and have been great friends ever since. In my last year as a schoolboy, I was a little naughty, in that a group of us formed a combine for the cicuit races, this is an unofficial team . The aim was for the "team" to win as much prize money as possible. Each race had a prize list for the finish, and also prizes during the race or primes as they are called. Each of us had a job to do, we acted on a very professional basis, and after each race, in the seclusion of the car park, the money was shared out. Some of you who were involved read this blog, and one went on to be a professional, so I am not namng names, suffice to say it was actually great fun, and taight me a huge smount about the unseen side of bike racing. Most bystanders see it as an individual sport, but actually its not, it's a team sport at the higher levels, each rider having a job to do. Much of it unseen, to me it's a little like chess, woth many stategies being plaed out, but with an enourmous physical effort involved.

When I was about 15, my 3rd mate came on the scene, in the shape of Paul. Paul was younger than me, see I can dish it and take it, and lived in Crawley. We became training partners, and it was Paul that persuaded me to leave the Redhill and join a full on racing team, in the shape of Bedouin CC, who were actually better known by their sponsors, Geoffrey Butler Cycles. The name Bedouin was apropriate as we all came from different areas around Croyden. So while I am here, thanks to George and Pete at GB for giving me the chance to race for them. We were all supplied with the same bikes and racing strip, and looked the dogs danglies when we rode as a team. This also opened the door to a different group of friends, and training partners. Cavey became my regular training buddy and we spent many many hours together, for quite a few years. He taught me a lot about racing, and we always had a laugh, at least it seems looking back that we did. We had sort of lost touch over recent years, as I have with many of you, and one good thing to come from my situation, is that many have got back in touch, and the good news is it seems as though we only spoke last week, even though last week may have been over 15 years ago.

So to my last section on cycling, what did I gain from it. Well, firstly to be independant. From 13, I was sorting my own racing programme, all over the country, where I had to arrange not only transport, but also preparing all my own kit and bike. I also started to prepare quite a few on my own meals, which probably led to my love of cooking. At 17ish I started racing in Belgium regularly which I absolutely loved. The major Belgian classic races are still my favourite to watch on TV, knowing I had raced over some of the same roads in my youth. Secondly I learned to support my kids in their activities. Mum, and especially Dad, sacrificed a huge amount of time to get me to various races, often having to turn down weekend overtime, at a time when that was important. I also learned the value of friendship, cyclists still wave a hand or nod in recognition to others, regardless of if they know them or not, and if you saw someone in trouble you would offer to help. Lastly and to me most inportantly, I gained a wife and family, because were it not for cyclng, I would not have met Sarah. I first saw Sarah at the first club dinner I went to, she would have been 9 or 10 (no I am not a pedo). I would have been 13 or 14. I only remeber she had very long hair. The next time I actually remeber seeing her, she was playing pool at the club house, and she was now 15 and was looking mighty good to me. As she was doing her exams on childcare, she needed a case study on a toddler and the only people she knew with a toddler was us, as Emma was now part of the family. This was great, she would be round every week, and I ensured I got home from work early, getting ready to meet Cavey, before she left. It was Emma that made us have our first kiss, as I always gave Emma a kiss before I left. One day Emma insisted I give Sarah a kiss too. Lucky me!!! Anyway, little did I know that Sarah liked me too, so when I asked her out, the answer was going to be yes. The rest is history.

Anyway enough about that, it's the last day of 2011, so it's time to wish you all a healthy and wealthy new year

Hair today, gone tomorrow

I hope you all had a good Christmas and Boxing day, I certainly did. The kids woke Sarah and I with a nice cup of tea just after 7am, which was a perfect start to the day. Emma and Freja cooked a great dinner of roast goose and all the trimings, with some extra Turkey Sarah had cooked the day before if extra meat was needed. They all did a grand job, albeit if I could not keep out the kitchen, sorry if I was a pain! The highlight of the day however was Mum playing the Michael Jackson Experience on the Wii, very funny indeed. I was shattered by the end of the day and had to go to bed just after 9pm, despite to knaps on the sofa.

Yesterday was a quiet family day, chillin on the sofa, eating chocolates and watching films, again a lovely day with the family. Tomorrow we have the in-laws for the day, they were ill over the weekend so have stayed away untill they are well. That will be a good day too.

Had a nice bath this morning, and had a shock whilst scratching my head when I got out, a clump of hair fell out, and here's me thinking I had got away with it! Never mind, had a couple of hats as presents so can keep my head warm. Good job I did not get a comb or hair brush, as they would not have got much use!

Early Christmas present and goal for next summer!

Was not going to post again before Christmas but just had an email with an early Christmas present and another goal for next year. At long last I have heard back from the London Olympics team and I have been offered, and accepted, two roles at the cycling events, at prime spots. For the road race I am to be a crossing marshall on the Mall, just right for the finish, and for the time trial, I am also a crossing marshall, this time at Hampton Court for the start and finish. So that's another reason for me to get well as soon as possible. I have every intention of working at these events so look out for me on TV!

Also a number of people who read this blog have sent emails to me, which I have only just read, sorry, but I am now up to date but it is difficult for me to sit at that computer to reply. Thanks for the messages everyone, even those who are not good at jokes!

Happy Christmas

As Christmas fast approaches in the Marsh house, as it is for everyone, I thought I should wish everyone a very happy Christmas. To me Christmas is time to spend with family and friends, enjoying the festivities, and most of all having fun. I don't plan to change too much this year, except that I need to be very careful about any possible infections, as my system is at it's lowest over this weekend.

So to everyone, I wish you a very happy Christmas. I hope you all have a great time and that Santa will bring you all special presents. Most of all, love a LOT, laugh a LOT, and smile a LOT

Dene

Not about me

Its Sports Personallity of the Year tonight in the UK, all vote for MARK CAVANDISH as

1 - he is the best in the world at what he does, and Britain's first World Champion on the road in my lifetime,

2 - he is soon to be a Dad

3 - Lizzy thought he should have an MBE

4 - he actually has a personality!!!

End of the day

The recovery continues, had a fantastic night last, managed nearly 10 hours sleep, with virtually no breaks. This is largely due to the visit of Simon, Andrea, Dan and Penny. You all really helped me, as you know, so I am looking forward to next week. Woke up this morning feeling good, even drove Freja to work in Redhill. Also a big thank you to Team Taylor/Davies for fixing the cistern, you really should have changed first though! While I am saying thanks, a big thanks to Ross for clearing the leaves from the front garden, sorry to say that it took Sarah a while to notice, despite me pointing it out! As to what else happened today, well not a lot to be honest, but I have no chees yet, that's now on the cards for tomorrow morning, as well as a couple of visitors that are hoping to call in.

Now I hear that the email update follower thing is not working, as I have had a bit of time on my hands, I have added a true email update tool, this can be found on the right hand side of this text. I have not tested it, but all the other bloggers seem to say it works ok, let me know if not.

Lesson learned

Big lesson learned yesterday, listen to your body!

I was up all day, and during the late afternoon, was quite tired and should have gone to bed for a while but stubborn old me decided that was for wimps and I was going to stay up - big mistake. I turned into mega mister grumpy, and had a bit of a downer, to say the least. Lessons learned are 1 - if tired go to bed, no prizes for hero's at this stage of the game, and 2 - when tired, I also go on a downer, which is not good for me or those around me. Sorry all. Eventually went to bed when Anya and Leisha went, just after 8pm, but did not go to sleep til gone 9. Had my best night in ages, woke a few times but just turned over and pretty much went straight back to sleep. Finally woke up just before 7 which is great as that is very close to my normal time to wake up when not working - what is work by the way? - and anything normal is great news. Having said that I am still in bed having just watched a shopping channel tv show about jucing and the juicer I bought recently, oh my god what am I doing!!!!

So whats the plan today, well Sarah is getting the last of the Christmas presents, the cistern has a leak again and Foggy is coming round to try and fix it later, and hopefully a few friends are coming round later to help heal me, so long as I am not too tired, looking forward to that. We have sorted Christmas now, it will be here with Mum and Emma. Hopefully tommorrow Sarah and I will go and get the cheese, one of my cullinary highlights of Christmas, diet or no diet. We have a few favourites, Wenslydale with cranberries from Priory Farm is exceptional, and I really like a little Stinky Bishop just for me. We are very lucky that the kids all like cheese too, we will have orders for Brie, St Paulus, as well as a few others. Freja and Anya have already told us not to forget the caviar when Sarah does the final food shop. Hope their future boyfriends are not expecting to impress them by a Maccy D, as my girls really like good food, they will not be cheap dates.

Right time for brekkie, and a juice, of cour including some ginger!

What a difference a day makes

Title says it all really. Last week is a blur of sleep and partially awake moments, but yesterday afternoon felt much better, and this morning got up and did my own brekkie. I am still having to take a few tablets but not as many as last week, i must have rattled when I moved. Would have been interesting if we had been pulled on the way back from Guildford, explaining all those pills might have been fun. The side effects have not actually been too bad, its just been the tirednes. On Saturday i fell asleep mid-sentance whilst talking to Sarah, not that she is a boring conversationalist but I was just so ...... Anyway, I hope this is the end of the first stage, I know each day should be better but also expect an occaisional off day. I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks feeling better each day, then i can prepare for the next round, sort of mega new year hangover if you will. I must also say thank you to everyone for the messages and help you have given to us, it is very much appreciated. Lastly, please subscribe in the space above, I find it good to see where you all are, plus you get an email when I update

First full day after chemo session 1

Hi all
So here is the first update following my first chemo session yesterday. So far it's not been too bad, better than expected, that's a bonus.

Yesterday was a long day, I spent a total of 9 hours hooked up to Fred, that's what I call the drip machine. I had various hydrations, 2 lots of chemo, and a bit of saline wash in between each new bag. Lucky for me, Fred is a mobile device as I could go for a short walk, but had to ensure I plugged him back in whenever I got back to my room. I was told I had to drink lots of fluid to help clear the drugs from my system and was somewhat surprised to find that I had gained 4kgs, or 8lbs, by the end of the day as I had not passed enough fluid, so I was presented with more tablets as I left to ensure I passed that fluid as soon as possible, that is partly why I was up last night writing the previous posting. As you can see from the picture, my appetite was not affected, ans the food was surprisingly good!

The side affects might be quite interesting, they seem to contradict each other, so I am just preparing for the worst. so far that is hiccups and indigestion, and the occasional hot flush. Tiredness may well kick in later this week.  I have been told however I will lose my hair, it would save on barbers fees if I didn't already do it myself. They tell me it will be about 10 days to 2 weeks before that starts, so just in time for Christmas. The rest of my hair will follow shortly after, so that will save Sarah from moaning about my nasal and ear hair for a while, and I can give up shaving, again saving some money. My next chemo is set for 3 Jan, so for now I am free to concentrate on Christmas, and enjoying it.

We are now starting to prepare some ideas for things to do when I am feeling better, ie for short trips, half days and full days, so on those days I feel good, we can just look at the list and say lets do that, for when the effects of chemo have passed, which will hopefully not be too long.

Middle of the night thoughts and thank you's

I am writing this just after 3am, having been awake for over an hour with what feels like bad indigestion. This could well be the first side effects of the chemo, the sickness, being fought by the anti-sickness drugs, or it could be that fish and chip supper we had, and it really is indigestion. Either way I have my bowl next to me, and a nice mint tea to drink.

I have been waiting for the right time to say thank you to everyone for the many messages of support we have received, from friends and family, old and new, near and far. It has made me feel truly humble. I also have heard that many people have not been able to contact me, as they do not know what to say. Well don't worry, just treat me as you have always done. I am at ease with my situation, and want to be treated as normal, and after all you can't catch what I have from me. I am using all your thoughts and prayers to support my medical treatment. Be they prayers, offers of practical support, diet advice, Reiki, new age medicene and beliefs, white witch spells etc. They all add to my positive mind set to give me every chance of the best possible outcome for me.

One thing which sticks out is the comments about how I am approaching the current situation, and for the first, and possibly only time here, I will be quite deep now and explain this in more detail. As many of you know, I have no personal religious beliefs, but I also respect everyones personal choices. I do have my own beliefs, and that is based on the past, the present and the future.

The Past - do not regret it. I do not regret anything in my past that I was able to control or influence. I made all my choices of my own free will, and for the right and best of intentions. If I could not influence it, then I have to accept it.

The Future - plan for it. Use your time to plan for the future and make sure that you use all your knowledge to the best of your ability, but do NOT let it upset the here and now. Plan for the worst but do not dwell on it, move on quickly to your future vision and focus on that.

The Current - embrace it as it is the reality. This is the only thing that is real, where you can make an immidiate difference. I truly believe that life is for living, so make the most of it. Enjoy your family and friends, love a LOT, laugh a LOT, smile a LOT, as these will be the memories of your past. Treat everyone as you want to be treated and support your family and friends in all they need and all they do. Most of all enjoy the present, love, laugh and smile.


Right, enough of the deep and meaningful, my tea is drunk, my indigestion seems to have gone, and I have now been up for over 2 hours, so time to try and get back to sleep. I will do a full update on yesterday later today, which will be back in my more normal mode. I will end by saying thank you once again, to you all, as it really does help.

Quick post treatment update

Just arrived home, long day so a little tired so off to bed soon. Not for long I fear as I still have a lot of fluid to get out, so expect to be up a few times in the night

Will post more fully soon

Here we go

Sunday night, dinner eaten, Strictly on TV, bath waiting, then bed, ready for a long day tomorrow. Not feeling too bad after the first round of treatment on Friday, sore tum, but apart from that ok. Tomorrow will be a very long day, 12 hrs of chemo, plus I am expecting some scans. Have packed the iPad, the DVD player, several books and some magazines. I have told Sarah to go shopping, as Guildford is quite good for that, and I know it will help her.

Last night we celebrated Freja's 16th birthday, and we had fun, and a nice curry. Note I did break my diet to join in, but ensured I had one with plenty of good stuff in it, a Haryali Chicken Masala, plenty of spinich and garlic, which had all good things for me. Mind I had a small piece of Grandma's Mars Bar cake for desert, not sure where that counts but it made me feel good, somthat's good enough for me!

I'll sign off by saying that it may be a few days before I post again, as I may have some rough side effects, which I am fully prepared for, both mentally and physically, but promise to let you know how I am doing as soon as I can. After all, where would you all be without your daily update.

Dart Board

Right oh here's a quick update after being a dartboard today. All went well, albeit had 7 different injections, mainly blood tests and my first dose of treatment, so that's great news. Feel a bit sore in my tum, where i had 2 big injections (the treatment) and 4 in the same place on one arm! So far not feeling too bad but lets see how it goes. The weekend will see us celebrating Freja's 16th a couple of days early as I am in hospital for a long day on Monday. She wants a curry, so the diet will be put on hold for that night only, as well as Christmas! A big happy birthday to Neal and Dean for today, hope you guys have a good one. One last thing for any visitors that want to come and see me, as I am starting chemo Monday, we need to take a lot of care re infections, so can I ask that no children come for now, or indeed if you feel under the weather you do not come either. Sorry but I really need to be careful. Hope you all have a good weekend

All systems go - nearly

Sorry no update for a day or two, yesterday was so busy and also I was having a bit of a downer, but today back to Mr Positive.

So here's the latest news. They still are not sure on the primary cause but are treating it as prostate as thats the only positive result they have, but it is a weak positive. As a result I am having a mix of treatments, some specific, some more broad based, and I think the car will know its own way to Guildford, as it looks like I will be there a lot! I am going back tomorrow, Friday, for a kidney function test. This teatbwill take 4 hours and will see how well my kidneys are working. The better they sre working, the stronger the dose of chemo I can take. They seem to ge working fine for me, so hopefully that is the case. While I am there I will also visit the unit where I will get my chemo, to meet the team and get to known the process. i will also start the hormone treatment while there.

I then go back Monday to start the chemo, I am having 2 different chemo treatments at the same time, one unfortunately takes 12 hours to administer by drip, so the iPad will be put to good use. I may stay in overnight as it takes so long. Then i have to go backnthe following day for an immune system booster injection. The list of side effects is quite long and some seem to counteract each other, so it looks like a fun time.

Aso been looking at aternative supporting theropies, thanks for the help Simon. With the Amazon voucher from work I have bought a juicer, which should arrive this morning. I am reading up on recepies, and expect to start later today. As a confirmed meat eater, moving to a vegan style liquid diet is gonna be hard but I will do anything to give me an edge to beat this. Will gave to give up the ginger beer and move to homemade ginger tea.

Right enough about that stuff, here's what else I have been up to. Well I have been out in the car, I drove to Guildford for the meeting the other day, and am much more mobile now. We also went shopping in Redhill, ok so not much of a highlight I know, but for now its a highlight for me. Never thought seeing all the Chavs down there could make me feel good, but there again it did as there is always someone worse off than yourself. At least I know I have something wrong with me and can't help walking funny, what's their excuse?

Weekend update

What a great weekend I have had. The family all went to London to celebrate mum's birthday as planned. They all greatly enjoyed The Lion King, and then went on to Planet Hollywood for a fun meal, not sure mum was all that happy with the walking however, as she does not do walking or rushing about!

While they were there, they were all sending me texts or emails to make sure I was ok, I could not reply as had so many visitors and callers. Firstly Alison and Ross called in with donuts, for tea, just as the Marsh clan were leaving. Then shortly after lunch Garry arrived, follwed by Simon and Nicky, who were closely follwed by Roseanna and Gavin. I also received a call from Caveman, who I had not seen for ages. That was a really good call as he had a close relative who went through similar treatment some years ago, and they are still here, so we had a good laugh about things in general and also the side effects. More on that on Wednesday, as I do not want to spill the beans just yet. Thats a hint you know!

Yesterday was quieter, Simon and Nicky came back as they had missed Sarah and the kids on Saturday, then Dave R came round, on his fireblade just to rub it in, as I cant get my leg over anything at present.

Went to bed early last night, so back in usual routine. A Night with Beyonce normally would be something I would look forward too, it kind of spoilt it that she was a - singing and b - was only on TV too, not in my room. Off down to Redhill today for a walk around, ohh the joy of being off work. No need to buy any more ginger beer today, the (ginger) beer fridge in the garage is now full ....

Good news and bad news

Last night I went back to hospital to get my results, and as the title suggests, it was a mix of good news and bad news. As you all know I am a positive thinker, or at least that's what I think you call me, so lets get the bad news out of the way first. I have cancer. There said it. Its not so bad but has taken a while. As is typical of me its a very unusal cancer as its from my prostate, which at 44, is as rare as rocking horse pooh. If I was 74 would make sense but I do like to be different! More bad news is it has spread to my lymph glands in my abdomen and also to my liver, which is very bad news as it has affected my liver so much it is unoperable, so drugs are the way to go

Enough doom and gloom, so what's the good news you ask. Well as its unoperable I have a palative care plan, which will see me get my first dose of chemo early next week. Its quite a new drug but with a pretty good success rate, so fingers, arms, legs, and eyes all crossed I might be one of the lucky ones it works for. However, palative care is not a cure, its about managing or reducing the spread and effect, and for a very small percentage a cure might be successful too. The side effects dont seem too bad so I can deal withnthat bit, one reported effect is weight gain, and here's me been trying hard to keep my weight up and I might have to go on a diet - I did not expect that!! Also I still have no other symptoms and am well in myself. So I feel the main positive is that we know what I have, its quite special, and we have a man with a plan

Looking forward to the weekend, the family are having a busy time, albeit without me. It was mum's 65th recently and as a treat she is taking everyone to London to see The Lion king and then dinner. As I would be uncomfortable I am not going, but will treat myself to a nice big kebab instead. I hope they have a really good time. Sunday sees the Church Sunday School Christmas lunch, which I would not be at even if I was well.

I am also getting more comfortable and mobile with the catheter I have. Boys, think about an 18mm tube inserted down there and you might realise why it has taken nearly 2 weeks to get comfortable with it. Been driving and can walk pretty well for a while then get sore but each day is better and better. Which is a good place to end, as off to School for Anya's school assembly, and some nice cold ginger beer when I get back ...