Road has come to a T- junction, which way to go???????

The last week or so has been a real roller coaster emotionally, and the time has come to make some decisions.

Last weekend was my cousin Tracey's birthday. Now I am a gentleman and won't say how old she is, but the amount of time she has to wait for her telegram is now less than she has waited so far. She had a great birthday, with a big marqee, or tent as she called it, disco, band and a pig roast. It was a really good evening, it was just a shame I was feeling pretty tired and had to leave by about 10.15pm. We had an hours drive home, which I slept through pretty much all the way. the party went on til 3am, so I am sure everyone went home happy,and maybe even with sore heads the next day!

The following day was Leisha's birthday, and we had a small family do here at home. for once the weather was good, nice and dry, and warm to boot. Leisha had a great day and was very happy with all her presents. Her birthday list made me laugh as she numbered every item, so 1 was money (lots), 2 was a mobile phone etc. However coming in at number 9 was Dad to get better. It bought a tear to my eye, then a tear of laughter as I was only at number 9!!

Then on Tuesday things started to change. I had a visit from Gill, my St Catherine's nurse to help with my pain, and I was somewhat dismayed to have my pain relief increased, not because I want the pain, but because of what it may signify. One extra prescription was for some morphine tablets, which I am using sparingly. The on Thursday I had to go into A&E, as I had some bad pains in my chest/abdomen. It was also lucky as my Oncologist has a clininc in my local hospital on that day, so after going through A&E, with all the tests, it was over to see my Oncologist. He wanted me to have an emergency CT scan as the initial tests at A&E showed nothing significant. A quick drive down to Gatwick Park and my CT scan was done. The bad news was two fold. The first thing was the pain was down to an enlarged liver, which is one possible side affect of the new tablets I have been on for 6 weeks. The other bad news was that these tablets are not working, as things continue to grow and get worse. Friday then saw me back in Guildford to see my Oncologist at my normal appointment.

Friday was also the day our loft extension was finished and signed off by the buildings inspector, so the day started well. However at the appointment, the news I have avoided so far came out. The tablets I am on are the last treatment available for me to try and manage the cancer. So we have reached the junction, do we say enough is enough and try and make the best of what I have and manage the pain. Or do I ask to go onto a research program to see if that helps me, or others. To be honest it was a no brainer, so this Wednesday see's me meeting my new Oncologist to discuss research programs. I am quite excited about this, and am treating it as just another medication to take. However, this alos meanms that Thursday I have to go to hospital again for another liver biopsy to check the tumours have not mutated, and to give the research team some tissue to base their medication on. I have had this done once before and the procedure itself is ok, but it was not too good afterwards for a few hours.

Now all this news has led me to another decision, in that I cannot go back to work. This was always a goal of mine as I have been lucky enough to have a great career, doing something I loved, at a company I enjoyed working at. I wish everyone there well, and ask that they keep in touch.

I will update again at the weekend, after everything has settled down.